A Ceremony of Ashes

A friend shared this poem with me that was given as a reading by her son when scattering her husbands ashes.  I think it’s beautiful.

A Ceremony of Ashes
By Edward Storey

The wind was blowing from north to south
to give your wings their eager lift
from man-made boundaries.
Clouds were the continents you crossed,
hills the last frontier of a life
to reconcile histories.
What joy, what freed exuberance
suddenly leapt from Offa’s,
creating stars from mortal ash.
You rode like a king on the ancient dyke
to be one with a day that soon unveiled
the landfall of your choice.
You became earth and fire and rain,
tree-root and leaf, sun-shaft and frost,
where miles can never pin you down.
Whoever walks this hallowed track
will, without knowing, always have
your wise and jovial company.

7th May

I’ve been dreading today, this anniversary, when 1 year ago today, life changed forever.  I owe it to my man, to keep on fighting, keep on dreaming and keep on living.  To lead a life he would be proud of me for and be the best version of myself, that he taught me to strive for. To keep looking forwards, even though every part of my being is tugged to that day, in some attempt to process the impossible.  I know tomorrow is never promised, but tomorrow I will fight again.  Today, I lament our fate.


Smacked in the face with another event

The grief train is as punctual as ever, chugging along with its repetitive rasp.  Why can’t it pause at the last stop or take a wrong turn?  After all, the driver is a learner.

But no, it has a timetable and at the moment, it’s sticking to it.  Today is Easter Sunday and as I sit here contemplatively shouving chocolates into my mouth, I wonder why you haven’t risen again? If it was possible to rise again based on love alone, you’d be here.  You’d be here, tenfold.

C’mon Sweetheart.  There’s chocolate to be eaten.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  There’s wine to be drunk.

First blog post – six months today

Six whole months since I lost you.  I try so hard not to put too much emphasis on dates and milestones.  We live our lives in one direction and that’s forwards, we don’t live in loops and therefore six months in should bear no significance, than any other day that I am without you. But saying this is one thing, feeling it is another.  Yet another sunrise on a day that he is not part of, that distance between us growing further.

Six months since you left me before dawn.  But with every sunrise and sunset, your luminous light remains.